Hiatus... And Volunteer Giveaway!

Wow! I did not expect a two week hiatus to come out of my vacation time, but it did! I missed you! Did you miss me? I hope you did because otherwise, why am I writing?

Let me catch you up...
Lady Gaga was fantastic, of course. Even more 'fabulous' was the opening band Semi-Precious Weapons. Yes, he pranced around the stage wearing a blazer, silk tank, high-heeled ankle boots and only pantyhose. No, don't worry, nothing inappropriate was seen... I think. Uplifting lyrics and wholesome performance, absolutely not. Completely outrageous and entertaining, yes. Anywho, even more fascinating were the throngs of fans dressed like Lady Gaga. We saw no less than three people wearing this infamous "Poker Face" blue outfit.

And yes, at least one of them was a man. The fans were almost as good of an entertainment experience as Gaga herself. And I am happy to report that she does sound just as good live as she ever sounds on the radio - with no lipsynching. That alone, ladies and gentleman, offputting lyrics, lifestyle, beliefs, etc. aside, is enough to earn respect in the music biz these days.

The rest of my week was spent taking care of various things that I had neglected over the past year since I began working full-time. Not much relaxing, but it was still enjoyable.

Then I had to go back to work... Yikes. To say that I was not looking forward to it, is a gross understatement. But I have now eased back into my routine, except for one small (huge problem). Wednesday, April 27, 2011. Massive, destructive storm systems producing more than 200 tornadoes came right through my part of the country. Our house and neighborhood was untouched. The streets we have to travel to get there are a war zone. So terrible. Ringgold, Georgia (nearby) was completely wiped out among other towns. Alabama was the hardest hit. The worst thing I can complain about is that we still have no power. And I am totally okay with that.

Tomorrow I will be volunteering my time in Cleveland, Tennessee. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. I want to encourage all of you to help out in some way. Whether it be by making a monetary donation or one or supplies, or giving of your time, expertise or equipment. Comment and let me know what you're up to. Email me pictures of your efforts and I will send the first ten people who do so a $5 gift card from Target.

New rule

From now on, whenever  I come across something that I just absolutely love, I am going to by it. No more contemplating. If I love it, it's mine. Once again my "sleep on it" rule has thwarted my efforts to buy something that I've really researched and carefully thought about. I found the perfect patio set at HomeGoods yesterday evening. That's right, not quite 24 hours ago. I went back to buy it today and all of the sets were gone. Gone! There were several colors: orange, yellow, white, teal, green. The only one left was an orange set and for those of you who know me best, you know how I feel about orange. So, instead I was forced to take home two different teal chairs (I had to take them! They were the only two left and I just knew all the people in the store were eying them, just waiting to steal them away from me!) I actually like these chairs better than the ones that came with the set, but now we're stuck with the problem of finding a table. It's not looking good. Luckily, the kind lady at the checkout told me that the sets we saw were the first ones they had received so it's probable that they will get some more in. Maybe even tomorrow! So, I'll be calling tomorrow to check.

Tomorrow starts my week of vacation. I have a lot of stuff to do but some intense relaxation is also in store. Of course my visions of relaxation included my perfect patio set on our deck with me reading my latest book purchase, enjoying coffee in the morning, pasta at lunch, maybe even an afternoon ice cream. Now that all hangs in the balance of tomorrow and a potential truckload full of beauteous patio furniture. I'll let you know how it's looking!

My most recently purchased book How Italian Food Conquered the World is turning out to be fascinating. Granted the entire forward and first few chapters are a lot of history (which, in this volume, usually bores me to tears), but it's so interesting to see how quickly Italian food really developed over just about the last 100 years. It makes sense, though. Most people don't know that Italy, as a unified country, didn't exist until 1861, almost 100 years after the U.S. It's also surprising how many silly things we owe to Italian-American culture, such as:
Hokey-pokey: "O, che poco..." as the street vendors used to yell.
The macaroni reference in the Yankee Doodle song, one of the first references to Italian cuisine in "pop culture".
Anyway, I highly recommend it to anyone who is interested in the history of Italian food and its rise to popularity.

Fancy Feast is ridiculous.

I think it's fair to say that Fancy Feast has gone too far. This commercial is ridiculous! Yes, this beautiful scene of proposal and redecoration absolutely would make me want to go buy some Fancy Feast for my imaginary feline companion (who is prissy nonetheless). Yikes.

I am taking the entire next week off from work and I am so excited. I haven't had this much time just for myself in well over a year. This was all jumpstarted by the fact that I am going to see Lady Gaga in concer next Tuesday. I planned to take two days off but since our office is closed Friday, I figured, why not take the whole week? So there will be a lot of "me" time and catching up on a lot of stuff I've been neglecting for a long time. I'll be making a trip to Nashville for the concert but other than that it's a total in-house vacation. But honestly at this point, I don't even care. I think I'm ready for a break.

During my week off I hope to put together a series of posts about the things I found when cleaning out some boxes of my childhood things from my parents' attic. Mostly talking about how silly kids are and how things seem when you reflect back on then as an adult. Get ready for it.

I have problems.

I am by no means a klepto. I promise. But there is a particular item that I have had an insatiable desire to possess for years now. And it's not an item that is readily available to the general public. What would you do with it after you got it, you might ask? I have no freaking idea. I just want it. Really bad. To make matters worse, I have now seen this particular item in pink - a rare find indeed. My desire continues.

Alright, alright, I give. Just promise me you won't laugh too hard or think I'm too crazy. Once again, I can't explain why, it's just a part of me. The item I wish to possess is this:

Yes, a pneumatic tube carrier (as I have just come to learn that it is called) that you find at any bank teller drive-thru. I know that this is not something that will go away either. It's been going on for years! So, it was finally suggested to me that I check eBay. I found some, but none in pink. So, naturally, my next thought was this: what if I buy one of the ugly colors (black, gray, beige) took it to the bank and tried to negotiate a swap? Do you think they'd think I'm crazy? How silly of me. Of course I already know the answer to that question. But it doesn't change how I feel. What can I do?

I work hard.

When I went to Sam's this weekend, I was magnetically drawn to a pack of teeny tiny, brightly colored rainbow post-its. Have I used them yet? No, they're too beautiful! But I did make some really cool, ahem, "sculptures" at work yesterday afternoon. Yes, I work hard.

Books-A-NoMoreOfMyBusiness!!!

I just returned from a visit to my local Books-A-Million. Rarely do I ever go there, or set foot in a bookstore because I get a little crazy and want to buy everything. But after reading our latest edition of "La Cucina Italiana" there were a few books reviewed that I just had to have. First of all, the Cooking books section was a mess. It wasn't organized alphabetically by title or author. I couldn't make heads or tails of it at all. By luck, hubs immediately found the first book we were looking for and we had to have them order the second. So, we go up to the cash register where the girl tries to get us to sign up for their "club". She goes through the whole gag with the coupons and discounts and freebies. Only $17.50/year!!! Well, like I said, I rarely go to book stores. Now my mother at this point usually, politely cuts the person off to save their breath, but I still can't bring myself to interrupt. I know she used to be just like I am now (her response to me is, you're still young, you'll get over it). So when she finished - 15 minutes later - I said, "No, not tonight. Thank you, though!". To which she exasperatedly responded, "You're killing me!", huffed and puffed a little bit and went on checking us out. I don't really appreciate that, but whatever. If you shop on the Planet Earth these days, you're used to having credit card offers, etc. come your way every time you near the checkout. I've been there, I know you're required to ask and it's not you fault and you probably don't even want to do it, but don't act so put out when I say no.

This next part she clearly prefaces by "It's free! It's free!". Risk-Free 2 Month Trial of 3 Magazines! I figured why not, quite frankly because she made me feel a little guilty for not taking the club offer. Once again, I know I got this from my mother even though at this point in her life, she doesn't feel guilty about this kind of stuff at all! I chose my three, she took my address. I signed my *receipt(S)* and was on my way. I should have known better, and I actually did know better than to sign without reading my second copy, but I went ahead and did it anyway because, guess what? I feel guilty if I ever hold up a line. I know, I know. Get over it! So, as soon as I walked through the door I checked the receipt. Low and behold, I have just authorized them to give my card info to the company providing the subscriptions and automatically renew at the end of the free trial! My subscriptions would come to a total over $100 should I neglect to call and cancel.

Cheats! It's absolutely ridiculous! I know I should have read it, but if you're told it's free, why would you have reason to believe they're automatically going to charge you down the road? I'm not one to do this, but I will not be returning to Books-A-Million and I will be calling tomorrow to cancel my "subscription". Come to think of it, I'll be going elsewhere, too, to find the book they didn't carry.

Cleaning out my closet.

I was completely productive today for the first time in a long time. Laundry, cleaning out and reassembling of closet and dresser, going through all the crap my parents cleaned out of their attic that "belongs" to me and the remaining shopping for our catering job on Thursday. Yikes. But it was all good.

I know I don't have a before picture, but trust me, it was bad. I couldn't even put away clean laundry - nowhere to put it! And now look!!!

Obviously only the right half is mine. Oh, and all the stuff on the shelf up top is my husband's, too. Yes, notice the pile of his shoes thrown in there on his side. Honestly, mine looked much the same before. I even brought myself to part with a few pair of shoes! Now I'm down to 35 pairs. I think I'm good. And I won't even show you my entire closet dedicated only to my purses. It's quite frankly embarrassing.

The next part of my day was spent taking a walk down memory lane. My parents recently cleaned out an attic space that was right outside my bedroom growing up. They decided to give all of my junk back to me. Needless to say it's been sitting in our spare bedroom in the basement for about 2 months now. I'm glad I dedicated a whole day to it because it took forever and was highly hilarious. I'm only giving a preview tonight, but be on the lookout for a very lengthy, very hysterical post soon, showcasing all my many masterpieces as a child. I wrote a lot of books as a child and reading through them, you'd swear I had ADD. But I didn't. Random, random, random. They're pretty awesome though. Also in the many, many boxes of stuff were pretty much every single one of my report cards, year-end reports, etc. from elementary school. Yeah, I spent a lot of time on those. I had to read what my teachers had to say about me. Most of it was good and the "critical" things they had to say just made me laugh today because I know exactly what they were talking about. I took pictures of some things that I ended up throwing away and I still have some things to sort through but it's coming. It's going to take a while though! But for now, enjoy some of these gems I found.

Giant heads, tiny little bodies

Yes, you can make out my name in the blue up top. And yes, that's my whole work of art.

Yes, my artistic ability is astounding. I found old photos (every school photo, sports photo, etc. ever taken) that were pretty awesome. I feel it's a valuable lesson to learn for when I have children. I'll order the bare minimum, considering that all of my photos, in all their different sizes, were still in their envelopes - only one cut out. Also, parents? I feel it's acceptable to discourage your daughters from parting their hair down the middle. It will save them a lot of discomfort when looking at old photos later in life.

Be careful what you wish for

So, I'm just beginning to understand the quote "Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it". And now, of course, it's crystal clear. We want a "food business" more than anything in the world - have for a long time. Now things could potentially be taking off and I'm slightly petrified! It's completely exciting, absolutely. But we  may very soon find ourselves at the crossroads of jumping off the ledge or planting both feet firmly on solid ground. Jumping off the ledge could potentially involve my husband quitting his current job and doing catering full time. Honestly, the money's better and he would just continue to have scheduling conflicts were he to continue working and catering at the same time. But if he quits his current job, there goes the stability. If we begin to depend on catering for the other half of our income, we're dependent upon people calling us and requesting it. That's what scares me.

No decisions have been made, not even close. But I'm just seeing where things seem to be going and it looks good. Yeah, good and scary! It's a leap of faith. I've been there before but those seem to get scarier with age, no? What do you think?

Courtesy of

Radical Religion

Arthur was hysterical. Highly recommend it. I like it because it keeps things light and doesn't waste too much time on developing the stuff you're not really interested in anyway! This obviously leaves more time for the more important stuff - hilarity.

I am currently, willfully yanking myself out of my laughing high by watching 20/20. They are profiling the Independent Fundamental Baptists (IFB). I think I may vomit. Promoting spanking of two week old babies for crying too much? Condemning women for "letting themselves go" after they catch a man? And they claim to be using the Bible to justify all of this?! Unbelievable. I know that I am not as up on my Scripture  as I should be; however, I can say with 100% certainty that those teachings are not from the Bible and the God that I know. Oh, let's not forget, they molest their children, rape underage girls and generally have their way with girls however they like. Nothing of that nature should ever have the name of God put on it. It makes me so ashamed and outraged - people who use the name of God to justify their crazy, just wrong, antics. Want to be a man? Step up and out from behind what you believe to be your "shield" of religion and be your true self - a pervert, sex offender, rapist, etc. The list could go on and on. However you slice it, it's sick, wrong, immoral and maddening. My only comfort is that these people will one day have to answer to someone infinitely higher than me and ultimate judgement will be passed. The same goes for those who abuse animals and people, just in case you were wondering where I stood on those, too.

So Fresh and So Clean Clean

Well, I hope you all are enjoying the new look of The Un-fabulous Life. I had a lot of fun playing around with it. It's Thursday evening. So close to Friday and the weekend. And yes, I so so so excited. I'm also contemplating using the remainder of my work bonus on some sprucing up of myself. I need me some new clothes. Destination? Forever 21. It will be my first experience in our newly opened local store. I'm looking forward to it.

Speaking of fresh and clean. I'm currently watching an old episode of Dr. Phil. It's titled "Hobo Dad". I saw that title on the menu and it immediately drew me in. I don't typically mind Dr. Phil. The guy's pretty smart and I like him. Have you ever noticed how all the people are made up nicely and dressed well? That's all due to their staff and it's nice to do that for regular people like you and me who then have to be seen on TV. But on this particular episode, they have caught up with a "runaway" dad who hasn't seen his daughter in 17 years. He ran to avoid paying child support and apparently lives in a raft and goes up and down the Mississippi. A regular Huck Finn. Now while the ex and the daughter and everyone else on the show look beyond presentable, they have left Mr. Hobo in his overalls (with only one shoulder done). Really, guys? Let's be real. I'm sure you did that for effect, but it just looks weird and wrong. Give the guy a fighting chance at least!

Well, I promised I'd show you where our home purchases ended up, so here they are! Some of them are hard to get perspective on and I've also come to grips with the fact that I just can't take pictures. But enjoy.

See our "Trattoria" art in the basement

Salt & Pepper in the dining room

Fork & Spoon in the dining room

Pepper detail in the dining room

One side of back deck with lantern

Lantern on the other side

Property Virgins

As much as I hate to admit it, I love me some HGTV. I get on little kicks where I watch it all the time, then I'll go weeks without watching at all. Where I'm going with this requires a bit of a disclaimer: I am not a parent. I have made that clear. However, I am a homeowner who one day would like to have children. These people kill me on some of these shows. House Hunters. There's a couple with a young child (less than two). They don't want any stairs because of safety for their baby daughter. They actually walked away from a house they loved because it had some stairs. News flash, people.  Your daughter will one day (very soon, actually) be bigger and have better coordination and it will no longer be any more dangerous to go up and down stairs than it is for you and me. I also witnessed a show that followed a very picky first-time home buyer. She countered and countered back and forth with the owner over their refrigerator. Yes, the refrigerator. Was it super special or industrial grade? Not even close. Just a regular side-by-side stainless steel. She quibbled over approximately $1000 and lost the house. What a waste. I also can't fathom all the people who harp on existing paint colors in the house. Paint is the cheapest and easiest thing to fix in a house! It is the last thing to allow to be a deal breaker! It is true that your home is probably the biggest and most important investment you will make in your lifetime. It should be a place that you love, but let's be real. Most of us will never be able to build our dream house, so compromises must be made. You have to look past some of the things you may not like and look at the potential that exists.

Polka dot house

Luckily, I'm pretty good at seeing past ugly carpet and ugly paint. Actually, it's one of my favorite things to do. I am a before/after junkie - for just about anything. I love watching The Princess Diaries, not because the acting is that spectacular or the storyline so great, but I can't resist the part where Anne Hathaway gets made over from a Sesame Street wooly monster into a chic, sleek young lady. I love What Not to Wear, I love Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I love seeing the possibilities in things and people. Not only on the outside, but also on the inside. Rather than focusing on my outer potential, I think I'd be best served working on my inside possibilities for the time being. I think I may need some work.

Violent Torpedo of Truth

Our biggest catering job yet went off without a hitch today! Considering that we've never cooked for 80 people before and this one seemed easier, I'd say that have learned from our past mistakes. I love realizing that I've witnessed growth. It's good for the soul.

I, personally, am sick of hearing about Charlie Sheen, but why not? I'm going to talk about him now too. First, why on earth does he get to go on "tour"? To do what? Spout off craziness like it's going out of style? Apparently, the answer is yes. King of the warlocks, tiger blood? WINNING! Or losing. The thing that really kills me though is that people actually bought tickets and thought it would be entertaining. And I find it hysterical now that people walked out and were whining about how terrible it was. Really? You're surprised that it sucked. Not too bright are you? I mean, come on! It's called Violent Torpedo of Truth Defeat is not an Option

I really find it sad that our culture is such that people with addiction gain notoriety because of their senseless ramblings. And it's a shame that his show got cancelled. Two and a Half Men was funny! I guess the pressures of being famous push people who have the world on a silver platter to act stupidly and ruin the good things they have going for them.

Have you seen the story about a pig's foot being sent to Representative Peter King in Washington? Who does that?! People are just crazy. The accompanying note was laid with anti-Semitic phrases. King is chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee and has recently been involved in hearings regarding Muslim radicalization in America. You know what I say? Can we please just leave the religion out of it? It's not a good idea for anyone and it makes us all seem like and turn into a bunch of lunatics. If you don't like a country, then don't like the country. If you don't like a group of people, then don't like a group of people. Don't use God to justify your craziness. And please don't misunderstand. I am not talking about Muslims. I am not talking about Jews, Christians or otherwise. And I'm not talking about any particular nationality, either. I'm talking about all of us. Every religion has a violent act, whether throughout history or recently, attached to its name. If you want to be a crazy, do it on your own account, but don't muddy a religion's name to make yourself feel better about it.

'Roid Rage

What I thought was the plague a little over a week ago actually turned out to be some nasty poison ivy - something I figured that at this point I wasn't allergic to. Turns out I was wrong. So, the doctor gave me some 'roids and they totally worked. The plague is gone (mostly) but now I'm apparently going through withdrawal. My entire body hurts to be touched. My clothes are hurting my body. It's a mix between when you have a bruise and when you're sunburned. It ain't pleasant. Even worse is tonight when I had to see people - and they wanted to touch me. Grinned through it but OUCH! Luckily there was a plethora of doctors at this particular, joyous gathering and it's all supposedly normal - should be gone tomorrow. Suffice it to say, I hope I never have to take steroids again!

It's time for a change. April is here and I have made so many promises to myself regarding its arrival. Now that the bulk of my job stress has been taken care of, I can hopefully follow through on some of those promises. The major one is to take better care of me. I desperately need a haircut, manicure, pedicure and probably an eyebrow wax. I feel bad for my husband mostly - it's definitely not cute. I also feel that one of my really cute refrigerator magnets is becoming increasingly true.

In case you can't read that, it says: Both of us can't look good at the same time. It's either me or the house. SO TRUE. We have been obsessing over our house since we moved in - it's only natural that something else will have to take a hit, namely, my personal grooming/appearance. In the photo, I'm pretty presentable. Well, take a look at how our kitchen is at this very moment.

We're in full catering lockdown. The kitchen looks like a war zone. And just so you know, there is tomato splatter on the cabinets. Does my husband cook really wonderful food? Yes. But don't envy me too much. I have to participate in the clean up. Luckily, we have really done most everything there is to do in our house, so I can focus my energy and efforts elsewhere - myself. Selfish, I know. But it's time and it needs to be done.

Our most recent purchases are pretty gorgeous, aren't they?

These amazing lanterns will take the place of hanging flower baskets on our back deck. They have a glass cylinder in the middle. They're pretty awesome!

This will be hung in our basement on our red walls. We find all sorts of things with Italian writing on them and just can't help ourselves. Trattoria!!!

These and the ones below will grace our dining room walls. It's painted a light gray with white trim. Don't worry we do have some color - and our table is always set! See below.

Living room

Well, tonight's post sure is full of gratuitous photos! Anyway, I'll be sure to post the final resting place of all our new purchases for your viewing pleasure!