So, my husband got a new job today. One day, not even a full 24 hours of being unemployed and the man has another job! Fantastic! Why couldn't everything be this easy???
Today is one of those days when everything you've been anticipating so anxiously culminates and although you thought you knew exactly how you'd feel and react, you really had no idea. I've never had a moment turn from everyone saying "Everything will be okay," (and wanting to punch them in the face for saying so) to everything actually being okay so fast. Which, of course, is why I'm proceeding carefully. The whole "too good to be true" mentality. If it looks too good to be true, smells too good to be true, then it probably is too good to be true. But I welcome being proven wrong here, I really do. Everything seems so up in the air. While I was so sure what my reaction would be regardless of what the solution was, I'm now second-guessing myself. I've done that before and now here I am a few months later, exactly where I was. Maybe this time I should just stick with my original decision. Stick to my guns!!!
Regardless of what it is I'm talking about (I know you don't really know because I'm so incredibly vague), all I ask is that my integrity not be questioned and that I not be made to feel like something is my fault when I know it is not. Is that too much to ask??? I think not.
My promise to you today is that I will not talk about this stuff anymore. Enough beating around the bush. Let's talk about something real. Like the fact that whoever decided that the average working person should work from Monday-Friday from 8(9)-5 ought to be hurt. Did it ever occur to anyone that if most all business are open during those hours and the typical working person works during those hours that it's not exactly conducive to productivity? I really think I would prefer to have my Sunday and have another weekday off. You would avoid having to take time off for things as simple as going to the doctor or having maintenance performed on your car. Wouldn't that be nice? A girl can only dream. Actually, and I realize I may have a lot of angry women on my heels by saying this, I'd be fine with staying home now. Down with feminism! Take care of me!
Ooops, did I just say what most women are thinking but too stubborn to say? Maybe....
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Nothing to say...
Although I may have nothing to say at this particular moment, don't think I'm not thinking of a lot of things to say, maybe even tomorrow. You ever have so many thoughts that you really can't even formulate a coherent thought. That's where I am. But believe me, when I can get it together to you'll be the first to know it.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Brain-dead
Do you ever go through a day and come out on the other side feeling completely and utterly brain-dead? That was me yesterday. I felt numb, I felt brain-dead! But, fortunately for me, it was nothing that some good Mexican food and half-price margaritas couldn't cure. I went to bed at 8:00 as soon as we got home from dinner. I got over 12 hours of sleep. I haven't done that in forever and it feels great.
I have a lot to think about this weekend. A lot of really important things to think about. Do I make a decision that means I'm remaining most true to myself and my beliefs, even if it means some pretty serious consequences in the near future? Or do I make a decision that means I just have to grin and bear it, lie about and fake my feelings? The first option to many on the outside could seem like the selfish solution - what I ultimately really want to do for myself. But where do you draw the line? If I choose the latter, well, I'm just not sure I can possibly choose the latter. I don't think I could.
I know this is all very vague. But I can't go into details right now. If things go my way, I just might be able to soon enough.
What do you think? What would you do? Stay true to yourself and what you believe to be right at the risk of being put in a tight spot or essentially lie, be miserable, but not seem selfish or stupid to others?
I have a lot to think about this weekend. A lot of really important things to think about. Do I make a decision that means I'm remaining most true to myself and my beliefs, even if it means some pretty serious consequences in the near future? Or do I make a decision that means I just have to grin and bear it, lie about and fake my feelings? The first option to many on the outside could seem like the selfish solution - what I ultimately really want to do for myself. But where do you draw the line? If I choose the latter, well, I'm just not sure I can possibly choose the latter. I don't think I could.
I know this is all very vague. But I can't go into details right now. If things go my way, I just might be able to soon enough.
What do you think? What would you do? Stay true to yourself and what you believe to be right at the risk of being put in a tight spot or essentially lie, be miserable, but not seem selfish or stupid to others?
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Technologically Challenged
Sometimes I feel so dumb - really, really dumb. (Run and tell that ---- homeboy). I know how to use a computer and do most things on one. I also can use a cell phone and send a text message. But I don't have a Twitter, I don't have a smart phone or a data plan. I didn't even really know how to use this blog to its full potential until now, as witnessed by the changes I've made (am about to make). I am a young woman in the modern world. I have cable, wireless internet and an iPod, albeit an old one. But sometimes I still feel so inadequate, like I'll never be able to catch up with most of you technologically advanced people.
Yet, at the same time I'm not sure I want to. I get overwhelmed enough as it is, checking blog stats and comments and a facebook account. Or fielding text messages as I check my inbox at work. Not that I ever do that. Never. So unprofessional. I can't imagine having emails actually come to my cell phone and being able to access the internet. Mind-boggling. I really think it would just stress me out too much. I am trying and toying with the idea of a smart phone, but those data plans. Yeesh! For now I will humor myself (and you) in pretending that my little blog is enough!
Yet, at the same time I'm not sure I want to. I get overwhelmed enough as it is, checking blog stats and comments and a facebook account. Or fielding text messages as I check my inbox at work. Not that I ever do that. Never. So unprofessional. I can't imagine having emails actually come to my cell phone and being able to access the internet. Mind-boggling. I really think it would just stress me out too much. I am trying and toying with the idea of a smart phone, but those data plans. Yeesh! For now I will humor myself (and you) in pretending that my little blog is enough!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
The American(-Italian) Dream
Buddy Valastro is known to everyone as "The Cake Boss", the head baker/owner/operator of Carlo's Bake Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey. I think he is absolutely amazing. I can't not watch him when he's on TV. And now I get to watch him even more. We just finished up "Next Great Baker" where Buddy put up-and-coming bakers through the ringer to find the newest addition to his bakery staff. Now he's starting a weekday series "The Kitchen Boss" - think Rachel Ray 30 Minute Meal, but a lot less obnoxious. We got to see today's episode on Street Food. My husband didn't really have anything negative to say, so you know it must be good. I always joke with him that he can be a bit of a food snob. And he can, don't get me wrong. But deep down inside, I actually love it because it shows just how much integrity he has in making Italian food and how he refuses to compromise it.
The American Dream's reputation precedes it. Wikipedia has the following to say:
"The American Dream, sometimes in the phrase "Chasing the American Dream," is a national ethos of the United States in which freedom includes a promise of the possibility of prosperity and success. In the American Dream, first expressed by James Truslow Adams in 1931, "life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement" regardless of social class or circumstances of birth.[1] The idea of the American Dream is rooted in the second sentence of the United States Declaration of Independence which proclaims that "all men are created equal" and that they are "endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable Rights" including "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."[2]"
A lot of people think it's dead. I know this to be untrue. I would fully agree that The American Dream is partially dead for the vast majority of native Americans. Notice that the native is lower case - this is not a narrative on the plight of the American Indians. Americans have become entirely too complacent. No one has that enterprising spirit. Who would even define themselves an entrepreneur anymore? Yes, I would have to say that I feel that foreigners have the market on The American Dream these days. This is because of one key reason. Foreigners, unlike us Americans, do not have our same luxuries to take for granted. If my husband and I had stayed in Italy, he would have been stuck, miserable in his law enforcement job (surrounded by corruption) and I would have been stuck with whatever job I could come by, even if they expect me to work 6 hours overtime with no pay (yes, that actually happened). No hope of ever owning our own restaurant. No hope of ever owning a home. That is the plight of a lot of people in this world - and I realize, yes, also in our own country. But I firmly believe that in America if you have the desire and the dedication to achieve something that you can do it. America has Cinderella stories out the wazoo. Why do you think that is?
The American Dream's reputation precedes it. Wikipedia has the following to say:
"The American Dream, sometimes in the phrase "Chasing the American Dream," is a national ethos of the United States in which freedom includes a promise of the possibility of prosperity and success. In the American Dream, first expressed by James Truslow Adams in 1931, "life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement" regardless of social class or circumstances of birth.[1] The idea of the American Dream is rooted in the second sentence of the United States Declaration of Independence which proclaims that "all men are created equal" and that they are "endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable Rights" including "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."[2]"
A lot of people think it's dead. I know this to be untrue. I would fully agree that The American Dream is partially dead for the vast majority of native Americans. Notice that the native is lower case - this is not a narrative on the plight of the American Indians. Americans have become entirely too complacent. No one has that enterprising spirit. Who would even define themselves an entrepreneur anymore? Yes, I would have to say that I feel that foreigners have the market on The American Dream these days. This is because of one key reason. Foreigners, unlike us Americans, do not have our same luxuries to take for granted. If my husband and I had stayed in Italy, he would have been stuck, miserable in his law enforcement job (surrounded by corruption) and I would have been stuck with whatever job I could come by, even if they expect me to work 6 hours overtime with no pay (yes, that actually happened). No hope of ever owning our own restaurant. No hope of ever owning a home. That is the plight of a lot of people in this world - and I realize, yes, also in our own country. But I firmly believe that in America if you have the desire and the dedication to achieve something that you can do it. America has Cinderella stories out the wazoo. Why do you think that is?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Black... Like the Color of my Soul
I'm generally an upbeat person. But today's events at work coupled with the ugly gray color of the sky, just about put me under. Luckily my house is warm and lovely and my husband is willing to cuddle.
I've wish-washed back and forth in my satisfaction at my job for a few months how. Up until now I've written it off as a knee-jerk reaction to what's currently going on or the fact that the 'honeymoon period' is over. This past week has made me rethink all of that and actually give some validation to how I'm feeling and how my work environment is affecting me. I'm tired of all the talking behind people's backs, the manipulation, the childlikeness. I was under the impression that we were all adults now. But apparently we are back in middle school. I am not happy there and I do not see how that is ever going to change.
But the real entrapment comes with my other circumstances right now. What am I supposed to do about this when I am really in no position to look for another job? My husband will be out of the job by the end of the week. He is the priority right now. But, too, it brings up the questions for me - where would I fit in? what am I even qualified to do? what can I offer an employer? The terrifying fact of the matter is that I am still not a college graduate. I know a lot of people who are who would beg to differ that it makes any difference. I would hope that the fact that I'm not a graduate and I've still gained a lot of valuable experience to put on my resume would speak well of me as a candidate for any job. But I'm afraid that the combination of lack of education and mix-matched work experience (especially currently) will just confuse the heck out of any potential employer. I've been made a supervisor over three wonderful girls, but I don't think I'm anywhere close to management material yet. However, putting myself in an employer's shoes, would I seem overqualified for a position that involves no supervising or management? I just don't know. It's all very confusing. I'm confusing myself. Am I confusing you?
Speaking of confusing... why, oh why is Glee still re-runs? Did the season end and I missed it? I just want them to come back!!! Is that to much to ask? I say no. Is anyone with me?
I've wish-washed back and forth in my satisfaction at my job for a few months how. Up until now I've written it off as a knee-jerk reaction to what's currently going on or the fact that the 'honeymoon period' is over. This past week has made me rethink all of that and actually give some validation to how I'm feeling and how my work environment is affecting me. I'm tired of all the talking behind people's backs, the manipulation, the childlikeness. I was under the impression that we were all adults now. But apparently we are back in middle school. I am not happy there and I do not see how that is ever going to change.
But the real entrapment comes with my other circumstances right now. What am I supposed to do about this when I am really in no position to look for another job? My husband will be out of the job by the end of the week. He is the priority right now. But, too, it brings up the questions for me - where would I fit in? what am I even qualified to do? what can I offer an employer? The terrifying fact of the matter is that I am still not a college graduate. I know a lot of people who are who would beg to differ that it makes any difference. I would hope that the fact that I'm not a graduate and I've still gained a lot of valuable experience to put on my resume would speak well of me as a candidate for any job. But I'm afraid that the combination of lack of education and mix-matched work experience (especially currently) will just confuse the heck out of any potential employer. I've been made a supervisor over three wonderful girls, but I don't think I'm anywhere close to management material yet. However, putting myself in an employer's shoes, would I seem overqualified for a position that involves no supervising or management? I just don't know. It's all very confusing. I'm confusing myself. Am I confusing you?
Speaking of confusing... why, oh why is Glee still re-runs? Did the season end and I missed it? I just want them to come back!!! Is that to much to ask? I say no. Is anyone with me?
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